Foolish and Free

Back in December, I quit my job but then I ended up staying out of loyalty to my bosses. So last week, I quit my job... again... but for real this time. My last day is going to be January 15th and I can't wait. I don't have anything lined up and instead, I'm taking about three weeks off to just chill the fuck out for a bit.

No job = no income.

So, I did what any other responsible person would do: I booked a 7 day trip to the Riviera Maya with Dr. Copyright:



And purchased a 2010 Chevy Camaro:

Sensible? No. But it feels glorious. If all else fails, I can pawn my engagement ring and live in the Camaro.

Anyone want to go for a ride?

What To Do, What To Do?

As you can figure from my last post, I'm getting married. No, I don't know when and if one more person asks me if I've set a date, I will punch them in the fucking eye. I don't know when, I don't know where and I have made no plans. Actually, I'm still just enjoying the feeling of being engaged and being in love and wearing my rose colored glasses.

The only thing I have actually put some thought into, are the flower girls. I have lots of little girls in my life whom I love dearly and would like to include. Two are for sure: My niece, Avah, who is 4 and his niece, Gabrielle, who is 6. There is one more little girl I would like to include but already there is a ton of drama surrounding her.

My Goddaughter.


Oh, what to do? She is 5, she is named after me, I would give my life for her and I would really like to include her in my wedding but I think her mother is going to make it really hard and drama filled for me. See, the short version is this: I decided to sever ties with her mother after 12 years of "friendship" earlier this year. Sticking with the short version, here are the main reasons why:

*I realized that all we had left in common anymore were the kids.
*She repeatedly made shitty comments about me and Dr. Copyright... jealousy, I know.
*I was becoming embarrassed to be seen with her in public.
*I had become nothing more than a glorified babysitter and the relationship had become so one sided it was actually sad.

I think my mother summed it up best when she said, "Well, that's what you get when you make friends with trash." I was actually quite stunned. Trash? She was Trash? Well, according to my mother (and father, and sister, and brother, and various friends) she was. I used to think it was our differences that bounded our friendship. Well, it was when we were both 19 and a little wild. But as with any relationship, we had grown apart and I decided it was no longer worth it. But I wanted to keep the kids in my life.

So I made arrangements with the kid's Father(the parents are divorced), to continue my visitations and phone calls and that was it. Done and done. Right? Wrong. The mother did not take well to that and accused us of having an affair (as if) as well as a bunch of other nonsense. I received numerous shitty emails and text messages from her and eventually, after no response from me, she stopped.

The Father knows that I want my Goddaughter in the wedding and has promised he will do what he can to help but I have this horrible feeling that the Mother will sabotage this somehow as a way to seek vindication for severing ties with her and going through the Father to see the kids.

Can you see my predicament? She's definitely more than a little crazy, emotionally unstable and extremely manipulative and wouldn't think twice about finding a way to use my Goddaughter against me to ruin my wedding day.

So what do I do? Do I take the chance and include her anyway or do I just make it easier and less stressful for all and not include her? Any suggestions?

Yes

"Hey Babes?"

"Yeah?"

"Wanna open a present? Just a small one, a stocking stuffer. I'm feeling a little Christmas-y since we're snowed in and all."

"Ummmm, ok sure."

"But just a little one, ok?"

"Ok."

I go over to our small three foot tall fake Christmas tree that we've dubbed 'Ernie' and pick a small package for him to open.

"Here. It's just a little one."

He pulls the green and white snowman wrapping paper off and unwraps two bars of his favorite chocolate.

"Thanks, honey."

"It's just a little stocking stuffer."

"I know. Want to open one of yours?"

"Yes."

He walks over to 'Ernie' and brings me a small square package wrapped in a white CVS bag. Oh good, he remembered that I like that Aveeno soap that's $4 a pop. His wrapping job has a little boy charm to it.

I open the bag and remove the box which he has also wrapped in printer paper. Yes, plain white paper. Again, cute. I tear off the white paper to reveal another level of paper, this time it's gold wrapping paper. I remove the gold paper to find a plain white box. Huh, not Aveeno soap.

I open the lid of the white box to find a smaller box nestled inside. Oh, I know this game. This hiding of a smaller box inside of a larger one.

I unwrap the smaller box to find a shiny blue box inside. Slowly, with maybe a seed of comprehension beginning to creep into the corners of my mind, I lift the lid of the box and find this:

Yes, yes indeed.

Well, I Did It

There seem to be two teams with two very different opinions about what I just did. The first team calls me brave, courageous, smart, confident and they admire my willingness to be who I want to be. The other team calls me stupid, foolish, moronic, unprepared and an idiot to leave the good thing I have going.

I think they're both right but I'm doing it anyway. I'm taking a leap of faith.
I gave my notice today at the Firm where I work without having another job or a better offer.

My plan is to return to school in January to continue classes towards receiving my degree in Elementary Education. However, this plan has some obstacles. These obstacles will take some hard work and determination but I know I can do it. If it doesn't happen in January, then it will happen in the summer. Either way, I'm leaving all I've known for the last three years and moving on.

And it scares the hell out of me.

I have to do this. I've been commuting 2 & 1/2 hours a day for the last year and it's taken a toll on my car and my sanity. My overall disposition has changed significantly in the last 6 months. I've become angry and miserable and unhappy and borderline depressed and I don't want to be that kind of person. I've had some major health issues in the past 6-9 months and I truly, truly believe that happiness = healthiness so by being happier, I can be healthier.

The hardest part is leaving my bosses because I adore them, heart and soul, and I know those feelings are reciprocated. My girls are both being super supportive but I know it's hard for them. It tore my heart out today when one of them actually cried when I told her I was leaving. That's part of why I'm giving them 5 weeks notice to find and train a replacement. These ladies have believed in me and the last thing I will do is leave them shafted.

KD & ED, I love you. Thank you for all you have done for me.

It's bittersweet but I know in my heart that it's the right decision.

Where Do I Go From Here?

I know I keep saying, 'I'm back and blogging again' but I've been lying to you. In reality, I'm just flaky as fuck and I've had a hard time committing to anything lately. Also, you know how the longer you wait to to do something the harder it becomes to face again? That's kind of where I am now.

Not just with blogging but with my whole life.

If I want to remain (somewhat) sane, I need to change a lot of things in my life but the list is so overwhelming that I don't know where to begin. I need a new car, a new job, our lease is up in 5 months (do we buy or rent?) and I need to cut people out of my life that have been sucking the ever living life out of me.

Is it possible to have a midlife crisis at the age of 29? I think it is and I think I'm having one.

This is where I'm supposed to get a divorce, buy a fancy car and fuck a 22 year old girl with huge tits but I've already done all that. So, what do I do instead?

Where do I start? And how? Any suggestions?

A More Cost Effective Alternative

I'm sorry to beat a dead ass horse but I'm sick again. I healed well from my jaw surgery and then had a trip back to Emergency this morning. I haven't been to work since Tuesday and my temperature has gotten as high as 104. For an adult, that's crazy high and dangerous, actually.

This morning as Dr. Copyright was getting ready for work and I was getting ready for another rough day on the couch, he asked me if we should go to the hospital. Of course, I said 'no' and that I was fine but he knows me better than that. He told me to go get dressed and we were going.

Secretly, I wanted to go but he's done so much for me and he's been so generous in his time, love, money, compassion, etc., that I didn't want to ask. It's my own stupid pride getting in the way.

So on our way to Emergency, we stopped at a red light that's right in front of a Veterinary Hospital that's open 24 hours.

We sat at the red light for about 15-20 seconds in silence and he turns and says to me, "Babe, you know it would probably only cost about $50 to have you put down. It would save me a lot of time and money."

Oh, how I love this man.

It' Been A Long Time...

...I shouldn't have left you without a dope beat to step to.

Thank you, Timberland, because without you I wouldn't have a blog title.

I'm could say I'm sorry, but I'm not. I've had some crazy medical stuff happening including 3 jaw surgeries in 3 months. The last one was the worst and I ended up having my jaw wired shut.

Fucking sucks.

But a flip side is that I've dropped 17 lbs and two sizes. Also, when you don't fucking eat, you have every excuse in the world to....wait for it.... BEDAZZLE YOUR GRILL.


Yeah, how you like me now, hookers?? This is the result of me being left home by myself and drinking two beers through my oral syringe.

I miss everyone and everything about blogging. I know I've been so So SO bad but please love me again. Please? I'll even let you have make up sex with me.

Reason #173 Why I'm Lame

Wow, I miss you all. Know why I've been so m.i.a. lately?

Because I've been busy doing lame shit like downloading Miley Cyrus.

No, seriously, I just downloaded Party in the USA.

Somebody help me please.

TMI For Your Doctor

First, I miss the Blogging world. I've been MIA for far too long and I have so many wonderful blogs written by so many wonderful people to catch up on. I'm sorry, myBlogger friends, for being a bad Blogger, a bad commenter and not answering emails. I could give you a whole host of reasons why (jaw surgery, my boss is fucking crazy, babysitting for the weekend, etc) but who really cares? We're all busy and we all go through the peaks and valleys of writing. This shit takes time and dedication and sometimes I'm busy and sometimes I'm just fucking lazy.

That aside, I must share with you a TMI story from today.

I had another nerve injection in my face to follow up on the jaw surgery I recently had. It was done by a different doctor because mine had the audacity to go on vacation this week.

"You know this is going to hurt when the local anesthesia wears off, right?"

"Yes, I know. I'm used to it by now."

"How are you doing on pain medication?"

"I still have a few left."

"Enough to get you through the weekend?"

"I have about 6-8. Lately, they've been giving me really bad nausea and a little vomiting."

"I can give you something to offset the nausea and the stomach upset. You can choose. Do you want the one that works really well or the one that works pretty well?"

"That seems obvious, doesn't it? I'd like the one that works really well."

"Ok, but I have to tell you it can't be taken orally and you don't swallow it."

"Then how am I supposed... oh....oooooooooooooooh."

"Exactly."

"Oh, well that's ok, I've put some bigger things up there so I should have no problem."

100

This is my 100th blog. I've posted 99 blogs before this (see? I'm good at math!). Some have been awesome and some have sucked. Some took a lot of effort and some flowed naturally. This should be a semi-important milestone but really? I'm just not that sentimental. I may have a vagina but I think, feel, act and talk like a dude. My spelling still sucks and so does my grammar but blogging makes me happy like when I touch my special nub so I keep doing both.

I was going to post 100 random things that make me happy but I'm lazy and that would take too fucking long for you all to read so instead I'll list 10 things that have recently happened which made me happy.

1. My dear friends, C & P, gave birth to a happy, healthy 5lb 9oz baby girl just 90 minutes ago.
2. I've recently reconnected with 2 friends from my past who are worth the effort.
3. I've recently disconnected from a friend of 12 years who was no longer worth the effort.
4. Dr. Copyright gave me this for my birthday:

I've already wrecked twice and have cool scrapes on my elbow, back and hip

5. My baby brother and my cousin are coming from New Hampshire to visit me this weekend.

6. I just got the Daily Double right on Teen Jeopardy and it made me feel smart.

7. The following conversation took place tonight and this is why I LOVE this chick:
41o: is it wrong to drink Firefly Sweet Tea Vodka by myself on a Wednesday night?
703: never use the words "wrong" and "sweet tea vodka" in the same sentence again.

8. I pleaded 'not guilty' to the moving violation I received in March and I was found 'not guilty' in court yesterday. I argued with the State Trooper in front of the Judge and I got off with NO fines, NO court costs and NO points. More to come on this story in a later blog.

9. Dr. Copyright shows his love for me in such unique ways, like carving my name out of watermelon:
10. While riding my new bike in my neighborhood on Saturday, I was flying down the middle of the road in a predominantly Orthodox Jewish neighborhood. An old Jewish man yelled at me to get out of the middle of the road to which I promptly replied, "GET BENT, DUDE!"

It's the little things in life, don't you agree? Thank you to all of you have commented, critiqued, supported, argued, loved and/or hated me. I hope I'm still around to make it to 200 posts.

Hugs, kisses and love to you all,
~JoLee~

Fishing For Attention

In 1 hour and 14 minutes it will be my 29th birthday and I'm excited. I plan on having a glorious day and I will only allow myself to be surrounded by people who love, cherish and adore me. Good things are coming my way tomorrow... I can feel it.

But seriously? I've been asking for a Beddazler for about 3 months and if Dr. Copyright doesn't produce one wrapped in shiny paper with a big giant ribbon, I will be looking for a new future husband... I'm just saying.

Some Science Expierements Are Better Done Solo

In retrospect, I really shouldn't have done it but this morning it seemed like a fine idea.

About 4 days a week, I make a protein yogurt smoothie for breakfast. Sometimes Dr. Copyright wants one and sometimes he doesn't. Today he did but I only had one container of yogurt left. One expired container. Not just a little bit expired but 17 days expired.

Yogurt is expired anyway, right? I mean it's really just rotten milk with live bacteria in it but if it was in a sealed container in the fridge it's probably still good. But there are expiration dates for a reason... a little bacteria is good for the system... I have an iron gut...I don't usually have stomach problems.

That was the inner debate I was having with myself for all of about 1.8 seconds until I pulled off the foil top and spooned it into the blender along with milk, bananas, protein powder, grape juice, blueberries and ice cubes. I figured one of two things would happen:

1) nothing
2) we would get violently ill

Turns out we have two very different stomachs. The 'nothing' happened to me and the 'violently ill' happened to Dr. Copyright.

Sometimes, I really wonder why he keeps me around.

Mr. Sandman, I Hate You

I have a long standing threat with Mr. Sandman.

If I ever find him, I will kill him. If somebody's getting surgery at 8am you're supposed to let them sleep, you mean little fucker. So now, not only am I scared shitless about surgery on my jaw, I'm also wicked tired and I'm a little scared as to how I'll feel after anesthesia.

Who wants to hold me and soothe me? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Anyone? Please?

I Wish I Had A Pirate Patch

So what do you do when you dislocate your jaw and then have severe issues with your TMJ while waiting for the Maxillofacial Surgeon to call you and schedule your surgery?

I don't know about you, but I sit on my couch, high as fuck on Demerol, and try and compose a blog. Please forgive me in advance for any grammatical or spelling errors.

Today, my jaw locked shut for the 3rd time in 3 days. So I called my TMJ Messiah who told me to come in immediately. I did, and the first thing they did was insert a numbing agent directly into the TMJ joint itself. Want to know what's fun about that? Yeah, fucking nothing.

The only semi-cool part is you lose control of your eye, including the ability to blink, so I had it taped shut. Tell me how cool I am:

This is a horrific picture but a fair representation of how I currently feel.

That's why I wish I had a Pirate Patch. Dude, I would totally wear it and walk around downtown Silver Spring while talking like a pirate and trying to scare little kids. I'll chase those little bastards. Watch me.

I was then informed not to drive for the next 6-8 hours. So guess what I did? I hopped in the car and drove myself home. It was like the best/worst amusement park ride I had ever been on. Scary as hell but I had lots of fun while doing it. And for the record, I was not high on Demerol while driving.

But for now, I'm super nauseous and I think I have to go throw up. Either that or lay in a puddle of my own drool and pretend I can focus on the television.

Love to you all. xoxo

Cucumbers Make Me Happy

Have you ever tried to grow a garden on the balcony of a high rise apartment building? No? Well, let me tell you, that shit ain't easy, but I'm doing it and I'm doing it well.*

And you know what? I'm proud of my little garden. Dr. Copyright and I have named it our 'Future Garden' because it grows, flowers and bears fruit just like our relationship. Feel free to vomit just a little because of all the Schmoopie-ness in that last sentence. Most of the time I'm a smart ass but sometimes I'm not.

After lots of hard work, we've finally enjoyed the fruits of our labor. And by 'our', I mean 'my' labor... Dr. Copyright doesn't really have the time, desire or patience to piddle away time in a little balcony garden. I, however, do and I quite enjoy it.
Please try and ignore the hideous pajama pants and mismatching tank but these pants are put on almost immediately when I get home from work and are worn about 5 days a week. I would wear these to work if I could.

Regardless of my clothing, we have finally harvested and eaten our very first vegetable from the Future Garden, a cucumber!
Sure, it may only be about 5inches long (twss) but it was the best damn cucumber I've ever had in my life because I made it happen and that makes me happy.
*****~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*****~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*****
*remember that song? that song was the shiznit!